Feeling Unsupported?
here's the framework to change that reality and your relationships
This feels a little weird because my sister reads my Substack now — but for a really long time, she didn’t.
Actually, that’s not true.
I remember when she read one last year and sent me a text that meant the world to me — so much so that I took a screenshot.
But when she didn’t acknowledge it (or even read it!) at any other point in time — it bothered me.
Maybe you can relate to this, but the thing with me is, I’ve worked so hard on being so fully myself without the need for validation, that I don’t want to ask for it. I just want to enjoy it when it’s freely given — but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me feel a certain way when the people closest to me don’t care show up in a way that makes me feel loved and supported.
But here we are, nearly a year later, and things have changed for the better. More importantly, my feelings have changed, and how you genuinely feel is everything.
So What Changed?
There was one morning a few weeks ago when I woke up to a bunch of Substack notifications — to my surprise, half of them were from her liking old content. She’s even brought up how well I’m doing in conversation — and it’s not because I asked for likes or feedback.
It was a profound shift that came from an internal shift, and releasing yet another layer of feeling unsupported.
Keep in mind, I’ve been doing this work for awhile, so my layers around feeling unsupported are much more subtle than they used to be, but this is just another example of how your feelings and beliefs can manifest in different ways, and new layers will always come up for healing.
How to Make the Shift
Whether you’re feeling unsupported financially, around the house, at work, or taking care of your kids, you have the power to change your current experience by shifting your own energy, because everything else is just a mirror to your own beliefs and emotions.
Also, keep in mind, your feelings are subjective — you can’t just ask them to be different from what they are — so if you want things to change, it’s important to acknowledge them first.
But your perspective also plays a huge role.
So, first I worked on changing my perspective all the time. Every time any of those weird feelings came up for me last year, I turned my attention to all the ways she has supported me, because in many ways, supportive is all she’s been.
Trust me, I couldn’t have lived in Beverly Hills while working a retail job without her financial support, which in turn gave me the opportunity to keep building something that’s meaningful to me1 so I always tried to focus on the good while keeping my feelings around her lack of Substack support quiet2.
Even when I left that job last August, and started navigating the world of consulting and freelance, she paid my rent for months without questioning me or making me feel like I owe her. I eventually paid her back, but the freedom I had during that time was priceless — but you should also know that when I left that job and there was still plenty of uncertainty — I was certain about one thing — I was supported (even if I didn’t know how the support would show up).
[This is where Naysayers will want to say, ‘well that’s great, but I don’t have a sister like yours’ and while I’m very fortunate, I’ve also done the work. It has nothing to do with circumstances, and everything to do with your frequency, because if my energy wasn’t a match I either wouldn’t be living with her, she might give me a hard time, or she might not offer any support at all — it was based on my own beliefs of worthiness, abundance, and more. Your circumstances don’t matter — your state of being does].
If you’ve read enough of my Substacks by now, you’ve probably come to understand that everything is a manifestation, both the good and the hard — so the abundance I receive on a regular basis3 doesn’t necessarily come from the typical ‘hard’ work, but a different kind of work that comes as a result of fine-tuning my frequency and transmuting the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that become blocks to what I want to experience.
Even just last week, I was pulling up to park for a haircut and realized I left the card I usually use at home — that’s when a complete stranger ran up to me letting me know he was leaving and had almost two full hours left on the meter in front of me. If that’s not Universal support showing up at the exact moment you need it, what is?
So let’s dig into the feeling of being unsupported and how you can shift it so you actually feel supported because the power is always within you.
